Oh how I hate you,
How I despise that I love you,
How I repulse from my own self when I'm stuck on you,
Oh how much I hate you!
Yet…
Somewhere amidst this loathing,
Somewhere amidst this rage,
I somehow find peace to breathe
To talk, to repent, to reminisce, to submit,
But…
I lose my breath…I suffocate,
When I realize that I am surrounded by you…
I lose my patience,
I lose my pride,
I want you out!
I want you out!
I want you out of my head!
And you smirk…
And I suffocate even more
As I realize that I am failing,
As I refuse that I am failing,
And I punch and kick and stab…
I fight!
I fight for a breath of my own breeze
Away from your paralyzing stench.
And I realize even more
How much I hate you,
And I scream,
I curse, I smash, I cry
And I….
I lose my breath,
I lose my breath again,
This time not out of love
This time I fall…
This time my body gives up on me…
And I hurt my soul physically,
This time I faint
This time I realize,
You let me down.
Yes, you did
But you can’t see it.
I'm rebelliously numb
But you can't hear it.
I'm loudly silent
You can’t feel it!
I'm angrily calm
Yes, even in my brittle weakness
I refuse to admit,
I refuse to submit,
I refuse to fail…
Because I hate you,
I despise it when I smile from the thought of you,
I repulse from my own self when I'm stuck on you,
But somehow I can't escape you,
And I know I'll have to once-again face you,
'Cause you always know your way back,
Despite the closed doors and windows
Despite the barriers and walls,
You come back…
And you are never the same!
Cause every time I fall for you…
Yes every time I fall for you…
You stretch my limits,
You experiment with me,
And we have the battles of our never-ending war…
Yet you never seem to get tired or even bored…
You enjoy my pain
Oh how you love me when I'm drained!
And though you know I come out of you even stronger
Oh how I hate you,
How I despise that I love you,
How I repulse from my own self when I'm stuck on you.
