A hollow corpse, a wondering ghost…

I cry for you, I cry for us, I cry for me
Yet with every drop, I pierce and thrust that heart in me...
Yes with every drop, I curb and hush that heart in me..
And it hurts me too but I just look at you…
As it seems that all I do is numbly watch
While I secretly mourn… I secretly mourn
the future you are destorying infront of me...

What have I done to you?!
Nothing except give you tenderness, affection and warmth
& I want to run…
Away from you, from all the truth between your arms
Still I need your hug …
The hug of a woman clinching my heart
And I hug you…
Though it’s you who pricked my heart

I hug you for comfort while you’re the one who hurt me...
I hug you for comfort while thats what you took from me...
Well, regardless…

I look at you…and oh! How I hate the silence in your eyes,
I still look at you… cursing all those untold words inside,
And you hold me tight…despite the wounds, reality and lies.
Then you utter words …words of love that I deserve
'Cause I hate you then I like you then.. then I don't feel either …

I hate your peace, I hate your pace, I hate my doubts, I hate your embrace
I hate them all… still I shed my tears,
I hate them all… still I hear the truth in your heartbeats,
And I look at you...

Still I choose to secretly mourn
I mourn our togetherness...
I mourn our togetherness as I see
A hollow corpse, a wondering ghost…
Someone who’s dead but living anyway
And I can't help but wonder,
is it you or is it me?

....until ETERNITY

“The reason most people sweat is so they will not catch fire while they are making love”- Don Rose

Intruders to my brain
Thoughts of her invade my mental
Envisioning her frame, her lips, her eyes
Just like music stuck in my head
Her voice lingers like an instrumental

Lustful to part her lips with a simple touch
Eager to devour her body
And watch her melt into my soul
As two become one and her eyes pierce into me
A look that makes man weak, a look so Godly

Images of her spread and tangled in my sheet
Laying there asleep and so angelically flawless
Urges want me to wrap her up in my arms
Cradle her, overwhelm her, posses her
Take her love hostage!

Wanting to memorize her with the tips of my fingers
The voice inside me screams in yearn
I trace her body down and sketch it in my head
Committing to memory a map of her
That only with time will I ever earn

She opens her eyes and magnetically lures me in
Electricity trickles down my spine
As I breathe her air in and smile to the thought
That for the past few hours, I’ve made endless love to her
That for the past few hours, I’ve made her eternally MINE!

A loud ring interrupts my string of thoughts
And breaks them like a string of pearls falling consecutively
The doorbell is signaling that she is HERE
Pressure steams through my ears and sweat streams off my forehead,
My thoughts begin to run away from me,
Palms sweaty, heart beating which only means
Its time….
Its time for me to prove to her
That I want to be in love with her
For her
Only her…until ETERNITY

Liar, Cheater and a Man with NO Character

Anger may be foolish and obsurd, and one may be irritated when in the wrong; but a man never feels outraged unless in some respect he is at bottom right."

I spent the longest nights loving you
Showing you my heart
I would have cut my life short
To give you a small part
But to you
I remain a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I stood by your side,
When your world walked away
I told you I’d love you
Every minute of every day
But in your eyes
I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I defended your honor,
When the whispers decided to speak
I put you above me in everything
I had you on a pedestal, at the peak
But you believe
I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER


I was the shoulder you cried on
The hand that wiped your tears
If you were down and alone
I fought away your fears,
But at the end of the day
I am still a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I leave it up to GOD to judge
My actions and my dealings
He will reward me in life or after
For the unjust that I am feeling
We will see in His eyes
If I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I believe everything happens
Not by chance but for a reason
If those where the actions of evil
Then I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

Eternal Freedom

Its 8 am and I’m wrestling in bed with my pride
My heart is saying things my brain doesn’t understand
Logic fights with my emotions, and fear pins them both down
While lust watches them argue waiting for seductions’ command

She makes me battle with myself, her mere presences in my life
Her hot then cold then steaming then frozen love- confuses me!
She pulls me close, then pushes me far,
She chokes me then resuscitates my soul and heals my scars

And I am at war with myself against her demon heart
I yearn for her touch, seems like I’m hungry for the pain
I recognize she’s not good for me
Yet my legs are planted in the ground and my desire remains

5 months and the game still lingers
I give her all of me, some of me, none of me--- she does not alter
She makes my arrogance scream with loathing & anger
Yet my pursuit of her wickedness does not falter

My brain is blaring obscenities at me, disgusted!
Nothing makes sense anymore, it’s a delusion
My heart tries to explain but the phone rings ….
It’s her; she is calling me- excitement, nausea, relief, pain….confusion

The voices inside my head start talking ALL AT ONCE
My hand is shaking, trembling – PICK UP
Rage, uncertainty, conceit, repulsion—PICK UP
I turn around, it’s over, I’m done— NO YOU ARE NOT
I pick up!

Hello is all she needs to say to lure me back
I fail to remember her games and all the pain
I’m lost in her voice and the words she says
I forget that tomorrow she won’t be the same

ITS BEEN FUN--- Excuse me what did you say
My ears heat with bewilderment, I can see the smoke
Burn holes into my heart spelling out her name
I begin to ask why but my vocal chords choke

My brain is now landing blows at an already damaged heart
Numbness, queasiness, disappointment, disbelief
HANG UP—I listen to my head for the very first time
I gather all my hurt in one breath & then release

My heart is forever imprisoned for treason
& my brain now protects me from myself
Years later, l lay in bed at peace
I have found eternal Freedom

Pieces

"Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends."- Tom Cruise

We hit the Wall at the crossroad…
There wasn’t even a path for us to choose…
Our worlds had to clash,
They had to crash!

At their highest speed, they travelled…
Revolving and Rolling,
Panting and Drooling,
Living the fantasy of merging into one…
The fantasy of uniting,
Smoothly uniting…

But just when they were about to…
They had to clash
They had to crash
They had to break, shatter, and smash!

As a piece on that barren ground,I cry….
I cry as I look for my other parts,And I wonder….
I wonder if I'll find a piece of you to touch,
To talk to,To ask… why?

We were so keen on our physical union,
On our shallow ecstasy,
On our sensual thoughts,
That when we were about to taste that dream…
To touch it and feel it,
To live it and grow within it,
We…..
became pieces, shattered pieces, scattered pieces!

Is that the injustice of fate?
Or is that just our well-deserved end?
To think about it…
We did get our thrust,
We did get our rush,Only that…
It wasn’t pleasingly rapturous
It was painfully crude…

That of a smacking reality,
Of a battering truth,
Of a raging power (above all the so-called mightiness of our worlds)…
That of a roaring, stern, tough Wall…
Crushing our corps back to their spiritual cores,
Redefining togetherness as a marriage of souls

That's her Name!

She is formless, she is invisible
When she lays her piercing eyes on you
Your emotions erupt and stew
& the deepest secrets you’ve tried to elude
Surface in front of you

She comes in many faces, many times
I’ve seen her with my naked eyes
Seduce a soul with blissful promises
Marches through the lows and Highs
Lies are truth, now truths are lies

Confused? Yes, that’s a part of her charm
When she whips you UP, then brings you down
You think you might be safe from her
But little do you know,
She turns scholars into boys and boys into dough

She comes & goes, like a revolving door
I’ve made endless love to her pain,
I’ve lost my life’s virginity
& I’ve surrendered to her reign

She swims through my veins
clouds my mind like a sandstorm blur
If you don’t know who she is,
Or don’t remember who you were
Then you are blessed to know
You have never really met her

Her name tastes soft and rich on your lips
Her sound so luscious, so supple
Her pain shoots poisoned daggers into a heart
Leaves not a single soul behind
No child, no family, no couple

LOSS! That’s her name
She’s in love with me or inlove with the game
LOSS! That’s her name.
She enjoys seeing me survive or enjoys seeing me in pain

You’ve taken everything away from me
What else do you want??
I lay here, alone, dead from the inside
Yet my blood still pumps

No mother, no father, no brother- all lost
No childhood, No Teenage life, No life- all robbed
No love, No family, nothing permanent- all temps
No child, No Wife, No friend- Time to repent

What else do you need to take from me?
What the fuck have I done!?!
They say everybody leaves
So why can’t I be that one!?

A little more fight

“It's important to give it all you have while you have the chance.” - Shania Twain

I didn’t expect anything extraordinary
Just wanted to see you fight
*crickets* Nothing happened
The truth was shed in light

I try to tell you how I feel
Express the pain in my chest
But you only listen to your own voice
Similiar to all the rest

I don’t need a list of your sacrifices
I never took that away
I wanted to see you fighting
Match your actions with what you say

I built walls around my soul
I brought them down & you climbed through
I asked you for a little more
& you became this person I never knew

One day you will realize
What more you could have done
I leave the past behind me
Because tomorow has just begun