Eternal Freedom

Its 8 am and I’m wrestling in bed with my pride
My heart is saying things my brain doesn’t understand
Logic fights with my emotions, and fear pins them both down
While lust watches them argue waiting for seductions’ command

She makes me battle with myself, her mere presences in my life
Her hot then cold then steaming then frozen love- confuses me!
She pulls me close, then pushes me far,
She chokes me then resuscitates my soul and heals my scars

And I am at war with myself against her demon heart
I yearn for her touch, seems like I’m hungry for the pain
I recognize she’s not good for me
Yet my legs are planted in the ground and my desire remains

5 months and the game still lingers
I give her all of me, some of me, none of me--- she does not alter
She makes my arrogance scream with loathing & anger
Yet my pursuit of her wickedness does not falter

My brain is blaring obscenities at me, disgusted!
Nothing makes sense anymore, it’s a delusion
My heart tries to explain but the phone rings ….
It’s her; she is calling me- excitement, nausea, relief, pain….confusion

The voices inside my head start talking ALL AT ONCE
My hand is shaking, trembling – PICK UP
Rage, uncertainty, conceit, repulsion—PICK UP
I turn around, it’s over, I’m done— NO YOU ARE NOT
I pick up!

Hello is all she needs to say to lure me back
I fail to remember her games and all the pain
I’m lost in her voice and the words she says
I forget that tomorrow she won’t be the same

ITS BEEN FUN--- Excuse me what did you say
My ears heat with bewilderment, I can see the smoke
Burn holes into my heart spelling out her name
I begin to ask why but my vocal chords choke

My brain is now landing blows at an already damaged heart
Numbness, queasiness, disappointment, disbelief
HANG UP—I listen to my head for the very first time
I gather all my hurt in one breath & then release

My heart is forever imprisoned for treason
& my brain now protects me from myself
Years later, l lay in bed at peace
I have found eternal Freedom