"They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to
me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object
of the whole creation." ~Oliver Goldsmith
Women! The most complicated creature on planet earth. If only they came with a manual, a special guide; - something, anything- that can simplify them.
Now the perfect man is a very popular topic of discussion among single and married women alike. Any girlfriends meeting will sooner or later turn into a conference on this matter, all throwing around qualities that make up the perfect man.
□ Faithful, Goal driven, Family oriented, Funny, Romantic, Thoughtful, Caring, Loving, MATURE etc etc etc,
A woman will always tell you what she wants in a man. She will tell you and remind you how you are not who she dreamed to be with. Heaven forbid you say the same back to her; then the philosophy of “Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right” instantly kicks in.
I strongly oppose the equality of men & women. No, I am not a chauvinist, or a closed minded person - in fact I am a realist. I do not oppose equal opportunity .I oppose the statement that women and men are equal. Look at your hand; are any of your fingers exactly the same? No, but they are still your fingers. Look at men & women, are they the same? No, but yes we are all human beings.
Women (not you butch lesbian activists!!) know and believe in this fact too. Don’t shake your head with disagreement; you know it’s true. For instance, when you were waiting for those subway doors to open on that crowded platform and a man brushes past you and gets in instead of you; your first initial reaction would be *%#! But your next thought would be, doesn’t he see I’m a woman?? Doesn’t he have manners!?!? Right there, you think that you deserve preferential treatment. Why? Aren’t we equal? Aren’t we all the same? Why do you, a woman, need to be treated different than a man? Should I raise the sexism flag!
I think I made my point.
As a man who wants to settle down ASAP, I’m constantly on a horrible merry-go-round of trying to meet the right woman, finding out that she was already married, or pathologically stingy, or sleep-inducing boring, or very shallow (meaning flat!), or that her best friend is a pimp, or she is a chronic slut, or has corrupt ideologies (meaning not like mine), or any one of the thousands of character flaws that weren’t immediately obvious the first time I looked at her and smiled into her eyes and got a warm buzzy feeling in the middle of my chest, that had absolutely nothing to do with any non-prescribed drugs that I might or might not have taken earlier that day, and thought to myself, “hey, this could be the one.” (You can breathe now!)
I have been in a handful of serious relationships where I strive to be the best man there could be, what can I say, I’m an over achiever ( & I’d love for any of my exes to state otherwise). I put my heart, soul and mind into every waking moment. I invest every emotion into the relationship, early on; -a woman never has to chase me or hold me down. I’m always there giving my all!
Experience is the best teacher & I’m taking my time to reflect on why my devotion to a relationship always ends up badly. What is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? What am I doing wrong? What can I do better?
All my questions are directed to myself, always blaming the man in the mirror. However, I have figured it out. I am NOT the problem. Why do I say that?
When I am “single” & talking to a woman whom I see potential with, the way they react to me is far different to when I’m their man & I’ve committed to a relationship with them. When we are at the beginning stages, the common reaction is “where have you been all my life!” And then when I’m lured in and giving my all; it goes well, until I’m burned out of energy & start to ask for effort from their side; that’s when it’s all over.
One of my exes once said she blamed me for her not being attentive to my needs; she said, it’s your fault because you are always giving and putting so much into this relationship, I don’t see the need to try; you’re not going to leave.
Is that really my fault? Would you have preferred I treated you like a piece of furniture? Explain how being attentive to my girlfriend is wrong?
Of course, you can guess what the common reactions of my boys are. “Don’t do relationships; just date around; have fun!” I’m not even going to bother discussing those comments :) However, I never see them sad, upset or broken hearted; do they have a system that’s working for them? Who knows?
I realized that I can’t change who I am, and actually a lot of my close friends (who happen to be women) warn me never to change. I remember joking with one of my friends about changing my ways and hitting the single strip & whoring myself out to anyone who was interested; she told me not to even joke about & that I was her only ray of hope that there could be a decent man out there somewhere, that she hasn’t met yet. A simple statement from her; but a confidence changer for me. At that moment, all the doubts I had about myself lifted and I realized that you should never doubt yourself if your conscious is clear. And my conscious is crystal.
I don’t think I ask for much in a relationship, actually I don’t ask at all. When I love you, you’re perfect in my eyes, then time passes and when I start to feel the love being lost; I start to see the imperfections.
Can I describe the perfect woman? Yes. Does she exist? I’m sure she does (No, I don’t believe in Santa Clause too)
My perfect woman, isn’t your perfect woman; Just like your favorite juice is probably not my favorite!
My perfect woman is someone who would love me and win my heart. I’m sorry but I will have to use a lot of clichés to describe this: My perfect woman will make me walk on air. I’m even sorrier to say that I expect to feel that I’d known her all my life. And I’m going to compound things by telling you that I also expect to feel that she can understand me as no one else can. And as I’ve lost all credibility with you I might as well say that I expect her to make me feel wanted, sexy, smart and the most important thing in her life (yes I must be dreaming of Superwoman!). And sorry about this, but I really must say that I also expect her to be my missing other half who will make me whole, and I promise I will leave it at that. Except maybe to mention that I also expect her to be a right laugh and a great companion. Now I mean it, that’s all, positively all.
My checklist:
Here is a list of must-haves in the perfect woman: (This is more in detail)
□ Sense of humor – that goes both ways. She has to make me laugh (without being a full pledged clown), and she has to laugh at my absurd & sarcastic humor
□ Intelligence – If you know me, then you know I’m smart. Period. Dimwits get me frustrated. Now that doesn’t mean she has to be a rocket scientist, but she should at least be able to hold an intelligent conversation that is not focused on her friends, her hairstylist or Kim Kardashian. Intelligent people have lives. That’s why we are called the Intelligent Life!
□ Stable – I’m not into drama queens. It’s that simple.
□ Mature – If I wanted a child I’ll make or adopt one.
□ Positive – They say opposite attracts. Not in my case. The glass is half full, and negativity will drive me off the wall.
□ Good listener – I’m a great listen, I will memorize what you tell me and say it back to you but when I decide to talk, I need full attention
□ Assertive – Having gay friends doesn't classify you as assertive. Find other ways to express your feelings, thoughts, and desires!
□ Loving – Well DUH!
□ Ambitious – I can’t stand a woman who has no (realistic) dreams and who is always content with what she has.
□ Pleasant to look at – I don’t date supermodels, and I don’t want someone who is even globally considered to be good looking. However, my eyes shouldn’t get hurt just by looking at her! I like women who take care of themselves, hair done, nails done, looking like they high maintainence. I like high maintainence.
□ Religious – well yes of course but the moderate type. Though these days with all
“freedom” around I’m considered to be the fanatic type!
I think I have nothing to add……well if I do, I will write another story of my life!
If you kept reading and you have reached this far, please give yourself, on my behalf, a pat on the HEAD!!
