....until ETERNITY

“The reason most people sweat is so they will not catch fire while they are making love”- Don Rose

Intruders to my brain
Thoughts of her invade my mental
Envisioning her frame, her lips, her eyes
Just like music stuck in my head
Her voice lingers like an instrumental

Lustful to part her lips with a simple touch
Eager to devour her body
And watch her melt into my soul
As two become one and her eyes pierce into me
A look that makes man weak, a look so Godly

Images of her spread and tangled in my sheet
Laying there asleep and so angelically flawless
Urges want me to wrap her up in my arms
Cradle her, overwhelm her, posses her
Take her love hostage!

Wanting to memorize her with the tips of my fingers
The voice inside me screams in yearn
I trace her body down and sketch it in my head
Committing to memory a map of her
That only with time will I ever earn

She opens her eyes and magnetically lures me in
Electricity trickles down my spine
As I breathe her air in and smile to the thought
That for the past few hours, I’ve made endless love to her
That for the past few hours, I’ve made her eternally MINE!

A loud ring interrupts my string of thoughts
And breaks them like a string of pearls falling consecutively
The doorbell is signaling that she is HERE
Pressure steams through my ears and sweat streams off my forehead,
My thoughts begin to run away from me,
Palms sweaty, heart beating which only means
Its time….
Its time for me to prove to her
That I want to be in love with her
For her
Only her…until ETERNITY

Liar, Cheater and a Man with NO Character

Anger may be foolish and obsurd, and one may be irritated when in the wrong; but a man never feels outraged unless in some respect he is at bottom right."

I spent the longest nights loving you
Showing you my heart
I would have cut my life short
To give you a small part
But to you
I remain a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I stood by your side,
When your world walked away
I told you I’d love you
Every minute of every day
But in your eyes
I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I defended your honor,
When the whispers decided to speak
I put you above me in everything
I had you on a pedestal, at the peak
But you believe
I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER


I was the shoulder you cried on
The hand that wiped your tears
If you were down and alone
I fought away your fears,
But at the end of the day
I am still a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I leave it up to GOD to judge
My actions and my dealings
He will reward me in life or after
For the unjust that I am feeling
We will see in His eyes
If I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

I believe everything happens
Not by chance but for a reason
If those where the actions of evil
Then I am a LIAR, CHEATER
AND A MAN WITH NO CHARACTER

Eternal Freedom

Its 8 am and I’m wrestling in bed with my pride
My heart is saying things my brain doesn’t understand
Logic fights with my emotions, and fear pins them both down
While lust watches them argue waiting for seductions’ command

She makes me battle with myself, her mere presences in my life
Her hot then cold then steaming then frozen love- confuses me!
She pulls me close, then pushes me far,
She chokes me then resuscitates my soul and heals my scars

And I am at war with myself against her demon heart
I yearn for her touch, seems like I’m hungry for the pain
I recognize she’s not good for me
Yet my legs are planted in the ground and my desire remains

5 months and the game still lingers
I give her all of me, some of me, none of me--- she does not alter
She makes my arrogance scream with loathing & anger
Yet my pursuit of her wickedness does not falter

My brain is blaring obscenities at me, disgusted!
Nothing makes sense anymore, it’s a delusion
My heart tries to explain but the phone rings ….
It’s her; she is calling me- excitement, nausea, relief, pain….confusion

The voices inside my head start talking ALL AT ONCE
My hand is shaking, trembling – PICK UP
Rage, uncertainty, conceit, repulsion—PICK UP
I turn around, it’s over, I’m done— NO YOU ARE NOT
I pick up!

Hello is all she needs to say to lure me back
I fail to remember her games and all the pain
I’m lost in her voice and the words she says
I forget that tomorrow she won’t be the same

ITS BEEN FUN--- Excuse me what did you say
My ears heat with bewilderment, I can see the smoke
Burn holes into my heart spelling out her name
I begin to ask why but my vocal chords choke

My brain is now landing blows at an already damaged heart
Numbness, queasiness, disappointment, disbelief
HANG UP—I listen to my head for the very first time
I gather all my hurt in one breath & then release

My heart is forever imprisoned for treason
& my brain now protects me from myself
Years later, l lay in bed at peace
I have found eternal Freedom

Pieces

"Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends."- Tom Cruise

We hit the Wall at the crossroad…
There wasn’t even a path for us to choose…
Our worlds had to clash,
They had to crash!

At their highest speed, they travelled…
Revolving and Rolling,
Panting and Drooling,
Living the fantasy of merging into one…
The fantasy of uniting,
Smoothly uniting…

But just when they were about to…
They had to clash
They had to crash
They had to break, shatter, and smash!

As a piece on that barren ground,I cry….
I cry as I look for my other parts,And I wonder….
I wonder if I'll find a piece of you to touch,
To talk to,To ask… why?

We were so keen on our physical union,
On our shallow ecstasy,
On our sensual thoughts,
That when we were about to taste that dream…
To touch it and feel it,
To live it and grow within it,
We…..
became pieces, shattered pieces, scattered pieces!

Is that the injustice of fate?
Or is that just our well-deserved end?
To think about it…
We did get our thrust,
We did get our rush,Only that…
It wasn’t pleasingly rapturous
It was painfully crude…

That of a smacking reality,
Of a battering truth,
Of a raging power (above all the so-called mightiness of our worlds)…
That of a roaring, stern, tough Wall…
Crushing our corps back to their spiritual cores,
Redefining togetherness as a marriage of souls

That's her Name!

She is formless, she is invisible
When she lays her piercing eyes on you
Your emotions erupt and stew
& the deepest secrets you’ve tried to elude
Surface in front of you

She comes in many faces, many times
I’ve seen her with my naked eyes
Seduce a soul with blissful promises
Marches through the lows and Highs
Lies are truth, now truths are lies

Confused? Yes, that’s a part of her charm
When she whips you UP, then brings you down
You think you might be safe from her
But little do you know,
She turns scholars into boys and boys into dough

She comes & goes, like a revolving door
I’ve made endless love to her pain,
I’ve lost my life’s virginity
& I’ve surrendered to her reign

She swims through my veins
clouds my mind like a sandstorm blur
If you don’t know who she is,
Or don’t remember who you were
Then you are blessed to know
You have never really met her

Her name tastes soft and rich on your lips
Her sound so luscious, so supple
Her pain shoots poisoned daggers into a heart
Leaves not a single soul behind
No child, no family, no couple

LOSS! That’s her name
She’s in love with me or inlove with the game
LOSS! That’s her name.
She enjoys seeing me survive or enjoys seeing me in pain

You’ve taken everything away from me
What else do you want??
I lay here, alone, dead from the inside
Yet my blood still pumps

No mother, no father, no brother- all lost
No childhood, No Teenage life, No life- all robbed
No love, No family, nothing permanent- all temps
No child, No Wife, No friend- Time to repent

What else do you need to take from me?
What the fuck have I done!?!
They say everybody leaves
So why can’t I be that one!?

A little more fight

“It's important to give it all you have while you have the chance.” - Shania Twain

I didn’t expect anything extraordinary
Just wanted to see you fight
*crickets* Nothing happened
The truth was shed in light

I try to tell you how I feel
Express the pain in my chest
But you only listen to your own voice
Similiar to all the rest

I don’t need a list of your sacrifices
I never took that away
I wanted to see you fighting
Match your actions with what you say

I built walls around my soul
I brought them down & you climbed through
I asked you for a little more
& you became this person I never knew

One day you will realize
What more you could have done
I leave the past behind me
Because tomorow has just begun

Jealous

He that is not jealous is not in love. ~St. Augustine

Maybe I have a temper,
Maybe I’m always mad
But I can’t help the fire
That burns me deep inside

Maybe I’m a little Jealous
Maybe I’m just being a man
I know you aint my territory
But that nigga is pissing in my land

Maybe I aint the sharpest tool
But baby im not blind
I see the way he looks at you
& things start running on my mind

Maybe hes just a friend to you
Maybe you can’t see
That way he looks at you
When you say you’re in love with me

Maybe I struggle to be cool
Maybe I can’t be his friend
But can you tell me what’s up
With the fucking flowers he sends?

Maybe I’m somewhat insecure
Maybe I agree
But how do you call him Papi
When that’s the shit you call me

Maybe I overreacted
Maybe I took a chance
But I gave that nigga a warning
3 times in advance

Maybe I should be sorry
But baby I am not
I can get very primal
Protecting what I got

Maybe I intimidate him
Maybe I’m stuck in my ways
But the closer he is to you
The farther I’m pushed away

Dear Father

“An angry father is most cruel towards himself.” -Publilius Syrus
quotes

So many nights
I wished that life would be
Uncomplicated, just so simple
Between you and me

You wanted me to be like you
Even though like you was wrong
I learnt to choose the right way
And here I am writing this song

No matter the differences,
You will always be my dad
I can’t change my DNA
Which is Unfortunately very sad

I just wish you never
Ever pushed me away
I tried to be what you wanted
Until u decided to mislead the way

I can’t ever mend things between us
Or start a new bond
Because now you’re in the after life
And from my life forever gone

So this is my chance
To say what I always wanted
This is my chance
To speak my mind
This is my chance to tell you
You’ve lost something you’ll never find

#####################################

I just wanted you to be proud
That I was not like the others
And stood out in the crowd

I just wanted you to say you cared
That you noticed I stood up to you
When nobody else dared

I just wanted you to think of me as your son
Not your enemy or your competition
And to take back all things you’ve done

I just wanted you to tell me you loved me
And not think it was gay
I just wanted a hug from you
On my 10th birthday

I wanted you to ask me what about my grades
FYI, they were A’s
I didn’t need no special aid

I just wanted you to be like everyone else’s dad
Go out together, bond
Not fear that you’re mad

I wanted you to be there to support me in my sport
Not leave the arena,
When my upper hook was short

I needed you to be there for me
The first time my heart was broke
& tell me to suck it up
And that love was just a joke

I wanted you to respect my mother
Coz I love her to death
You wouldn’t let me talk to my brother
That itself took my breath

##################################

I look in the mirror and I don’t like
The face staring back at me
It’s not right
Why do I have to have your eyes
Your smile, your size

Even if I said I am no way like you
I am wrong
Coz I am scared
Because I see in a lot of ways
How I am just like you

There are so many things I do like you
Like organizing the toolbox according to the screws
say I’m fine, when I’m suffering
Or how my fav color is also blue

I also don’t look in the mirror when I wear my tie
The smell of gasoline gives me high

I too sleep with the bathroom light on
and wake up by the crack of dawn

I get my stubbornness from you
And have a strong point of view

I like to read every Sunday afternoon
& I can’t memorize the lyrics to a tune

My fighting style is just like yours
Watched your boxing videos
You fought with all fours

Left right jab jab upper hook
That’s the formula I used
And I didn’t learn it from any book

################################

The difference between us
Is that I know right from wrong
And from everything you put me through
I still emerged strong

I have my mama’s heart
And my grand mama’s soul
Every time you knocked me down
I got back up and stood tall

I have my mama’s manners
And I’m really proud
Call me a mama’s boy
Don’t care anymore

I see her as a hero
for the thing she went through
How you hurt her everyday
Coz u a drinking fool

I guess I can say thank you now
Coz you’ve left the world
Il make sure never allow
History to make a turn

You said God would never save me
& that you would watch me die
Well look here father,
I don’t even regret not saying goodbye

I am still who I am
I am not you
I might talk like you
And look like you
But other than that
I’m better than you

Another tear drops

“The tears fall, they're so easy to wipe off onto my sleeve, but how do I erase the stain from my heart?”

The walk of shame
Long and dark
The cry of pain
Piercing and vague
The hurt of a heart
Again and again
But you are the culprit
…….
Yes that’s what they say….
…….
The silence deafens
And another tear drops


The face of truth
Hidden and formless
The eyes of lies
Strong and lucid
The hurt of a heart
Again and again
But you are the culprit
…….
Yes you are…
……..
The silence deafens
And another tear drops


The words of anger
Raw and honest
The shape of wounds
Fresh and plump
The hurt of a heart
Again and again
No I am not the culprit
…….
No I am not the perpetrator
…….
The silence deafens
And another tear drops


The nature of pride
Conceit and arrogant
The components of a man
Proud and pompous
The hurt of a heart
Again and again
No I am not the culprit
.......
I am not the mistake…
…..
The silence deafens
And another tear drops

The tear of an eye
Single and alone
The dawn of reality
Close and consuming
The hurt of a heart
Again and again
No I am not the reason
…….
No I am not the doer
…….
The silence deafens
And another tear drops


The peace of mind
Distant and unheard of
The happiness of souls
A stretch and fantasy
The hurt of a heart
Again and again
No I will not be hushed
…….
This is not what I deserve
…….
The silence deafens
And another tear drops

Promise The Same Lies

" A half truth is the most cowardly of lies"- Anonymous

They all compose the same melody
Write the same lyrics
Sing the same songs
Make the same noise
Then promise the same lies

They all draft the same words
Spell check the same lines
Create the same stories
Inscribe the same books
Then promise the same lies

They all impersonate the same role
Have parts in the same scene
Perform on the same stage
Star on the same screen
And still promise the same lies

They all whisper the same sounds
Mimic the same acts
Use the same scents
Have the same feel
And promise the same lies

They all shed the same tears
Hold back the same sniffle
Eyes the same red blood
Faces the same blank look
And still promise the same lies

They all force the same smile
Clone the same laugh
Exaggerate the same hug
Fake the same love
Then promise the same lies

They promise its forever
They promise this is it
They promise you the world
Then just leave you to it

Search of a Word

"Don't want to be near you for the thoughts we share but the words we never
have to speak."- Nikki Giovani

I’m trying to put my words together
But nothing seems to formulate
I feel every emotion tingle under my skin
But my mind can’t seem to relate

This feeling of warmth mixed with joy
A word I can’t recall
Taking over my body like a sugar rush
It’s making me weak at my core

Your essence lingers within me
I feel your love sprouting from my insides
Since home is where the love lies
In my heart is where you reside

I close my eyes and I see your face
Sharply engraved in my memory
Picturing our days, our future escapes
And everything that will become of you & me

I’m attempting to explain how I feel
About your love’s mystery
The way you drew me in, and locked me down
Unprecedented, in history

I can sit here and describe you
Your perfection to its core
But tell me to describe this love
& I can’t say another word more

Love doesn’t justify it,
Wonderful isn’t even enough
It’s a mixture of words put together
Passion, desire, worship & even lust

I battle my thoughts in search of a word
Not ready to surrender this quest
A synonym, a metaphor, a haiku
That brings me closer to explain this love of you

I was never a quitter or a defeatist
I shall persist to find my way
To find a word to describe this feeling
That grows stronger every day

Over the top of a falling star

"For a few minutes you made me feel as though I actually meant something to
someone."- Anonymous

Over the top of a falling star,
You took me high,
You made me fly,
Away from all the worries
Away from all the pain…
Away from life's sad stories,
Away from all the drain…

Over the top of a falling star,
You took me high,
You made me fly,
You stroke my wings
With tenderness and care…
Toward the dreams you promised,
Toward the pleasure I wished…
Toward a surprise you drew
Of which I had no clue…

Over the top of a falling star,
You took me high & high & high,
You made me feel so special,
You put me on the top,
You had me in euphoria
Until…
Until you pressed on ‘stop!'

You cut me off the extreme,
You dropped me off the heights…
You beat me with my own dreams,
You turned off all the lights…
You…
Succeeded in your scheme,
Left me with myself to fight…

My scars of sleepless nights,
The scars of a broken heart…
My scars of endless fights
The scars of a crippled start…

On the top of your falling star
They all were far away,
But when I fell so hard,
I wished my life away!

The Mesmerizing Uncertainty

"Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."-Thomas Fuller

When 'possible' is not yet 'sure' in a mesmerizing uncertainty...

When awkwardness of "bittersweet" takes over your sensibility...

When sinning is all about loving her in your schizophrenic insanity...



When she says ' I love you' in every word while not uttering the words 'I love you'...

When she hugs your soul in every look while not having her arms around you...

When she kisses your cheeks with every smile while not having her lips caress you...



When you & her make perfect sense within the secrets of your hearts...

When your only worry is your discovery of a truth that deeply hurts...

That through your journey-- while you never meant-- you were stepping on her heart!!!

A letter to myself

"Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul." ~Henry Van Dyke

Dear mind, you are right….She has nothing that I am looking for
She lacks the affection of a true woman
She lacks the qualifications of a future wifie
She lacks the inner respect that I admire in one
She is nothing that I want!


Dear heart, you have fooled me once again…now I shall never listen to you
You convinced me she loved me, but she just loved herself
You convinced me that she would change
The only change is that I left
You deceived me, she fooled you, my heart.


Dear God, thank you for guiding me in the right path
I learn, I grow, I am who you want me to be
I thank you for removing the wrong and bringing forward the right
I thank you for shedding the colour of those wrong
And shinning the light on those right
I thank you for showing me there is hope


Dear self, I hope you have learned that it's never too late to learn
Witness how simple and complete love is
Acknowledge that you deserve to be cared for
That you should come first no matter what
If you are second, Self, please leave again


Dear mind, remind self and heart of the past pains
Remind them to proceed with caution
Remind them that love is effortless
Remind them that a soul mate is out there


Dear love, yes I am a sucker for you
I love to be in love
But you do not own me
I control you

Hurricane

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to
replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies
of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."-Anais Nib

Your life was calm and concrete
Until I swept you off your feet
Sucked you into a territory unknown
A strong tropical cyclone

Begining from the month of June
I wrecked it all like a Typhoon
When I said I'll see you tonight
That moment it all ignite

Flooded your eyes with tears
days and months can now turn into years
Clouds becoming dark and grey
Taking your happiness away
Like a hurricane
My damage was insane

Bystanders feel your pain
Try to shelter you from all my rains
But you hold on with bare hands
As the dark heavy waters destroy our lands

Caught in my mudslides
The hurt is deep deep inside
Wind blowing strong and tough
Wondering how many more huffs
Can your heart really take?

Now you're putting your life back together
Hoping for a change in weather
Because you deserve so much better
Just pick up the pieces of what remain
From the aftermath of my hurricane

I'm just a natural disaster
Waiting to erupt
Everything I came through
Soon becomes dust
I am a hurricane
My damage was insane

Women ♥

"They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to
me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object
of the whole creation." ~Oliver Goldsmith

Women! The most complicated creature on planet earth. If only they came with a manual, a special guide; - something, anything- that can simplify them.

Now the perfect man is a very popular topic of discussion among single and married women alike. Any girlfriends meeting will sooner or later turn into a conference on this matter, all throwing around qualities that make up the perfect man.

□ Faithful, Goal driven, Family oriented, Funny, Romantic, Thoughtful, Caring, Loving, MATURE etc etc etc,

A woman will always tell you what she wants in a man. She will tell you and remind you how you are not who she dreamed to be with. Heaven forbid you say the same back to her; then the philosophy of “Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right” instantly kicks in.

I strongly oppose the equality of men & women. No, I am not a chauvinist, or a closed minded person - in fact I am a realist. I do not oppose equal opportunity .I oppose the statement that women and men are equal. Look at your hand; are any of your fingers exactly the same? No, but they are still your fingers. Look at men & women, are they the same? No, but yes we are all human beings.

Women (not you butch lesbian activists!!) know and believe in this fact too. Don’t shake your head with disagreement; you know it’s true. For instance, when you were waiting for those subway doors to open on that crowded platform and a man brushes past you and gets in instead of you; your first initial reaction would be *%#! But your next thought would be, doesn’t he see I’m a woman?? Doesn’t he have manners!?!? Right there, you think that you deserve preferential treatment. Why? Aren’t we equal? Aren’t we all the same? Why do you, a woman, need to be treated different than a man? Should I raise the sexism flag!

I think I made my point.

As a man who wants to settle down ASAP, I’m constantly on a horrible merry-go-round of trying to meet the right woman, finding out that she was already married, or pathologically stingy, or sleep-inducing boring, or very shallow (meaning flat!), or that her best friend is a pimp, or she is a chronic slut, or has corrupt ideologies (meaning not like mine), or any one of the thousands of character flaws that weren’t immediately obvious the first time I looked at her and smiled into her eyes and got a warm buzzy feeling in the middle of my chest, that had absolutely nothing to do with any non-prescribed drugs that I might or might not have taken earlier that day, and thought to myself, “hey, this could be the one.” (You can breathe now!)

I have been in a handful of serious relationships where I strive to be the best man there could be, what can I say, I’m an over achiever ( & I’d love for any of my exes to state otherwise). I put my heart, soul and mind into every waking moment. I invest every emotion into the relationship, early on; -a woman never has to chase me or hold me down. I’m always there giving my all!

Experience is the best teacher & I’m taking my time to reflect on why my devotion to a relationship always ends up badly. What is wrong with me? Am I not good enough? What am I doing wrong? What can I do better?

All my questions are directed to myself, always blaming the man in the mirror. However, I have figured it out. I am NOT the problem. Why do I say that?

When I am “single” & talking to a woman whom I see potential with, the way they react to me is far different to when I’m their man & I’ve committed to a relationship with them. When we are at the beginning stages, the common reaction is “where have you been all my life!” And then when I’m lured in and giving my all; it goes well, until I’m burned out of energy & start to ask for effort from their side; that’s when it’s all over.

One of my exes once said she blamed me for her not being attentive to my needs; she said, it’s your fault because you are always giving and putting so much into this relationship, I don’t see the need to try; you’re not going to leave.

Is that really my fault? Would you have preferred I treated you like a piece of furniture? Explain how being attentive to my girlfriend is wrong?

Of course, you can guess what the common reactions of my boys are. “Don’t do relationships; just date around; have fun!” I’m not even going to bother discussing those comments :) However, I never see them sad, upset or broken hearted; do they have a system that’s working for them? Who knows?

I realized that I can’t change who I am, and actually a lot of my close friends (who happen to be women) warn me never to change. I remember joking with one of my friends about changing my ways and hitting the single strip & whoring myself out to anyone who was interested; she told me not to even joke about & that I was her only ray of hope that there could be a decent man out there somewhere, that she hasn’t met yet. A simple statement from her; but a confidence changer for me. At that moment, all the doubts I had about myself lifted and I realized that you should never doubt yourself if your conscious is clear. And my conscious is crystal.

I don’t think I ask for much in a relationship, actually I don’t ask at all. When I love you, you’re perfect in my eyes, then time passes and when I start to feel the love being lost; I start to see the imperfections.

Can I describe the perfect woman? Yes. Does she exist? I’m sure she does (No, I don’t believe in Santa Clause too)

My perfect woman, isn’t your perfect woman; Just like your favorite juice is probably not my favorite!

My perfect woman is someone who would love me and win my heart. I’m sorry but I will have to use a lot of clichés to describe this: My perfect woman will make me walk on air. I’m even sorrier to say that I expect to feel that I’d known her all my life. And I’m going to compound things by telling you that I also expect to feel that she can understand me as no one else can. And as I’ve lost all credibility with you I might as well say that I expect her to make me feel wanted, sexy, smart and the most important thing in her life (yes I must be dreaming of Superwoman!). And sorry about this, but I really must say that I also expect her to be my missing other half who will make me whole, and I promise I will leave it at that. Except maybe to mention that I also expect her to be a right laugh and a great companion. Now I mean it, that’s all, positively all.

My checklist:
Here is a list of must-haves in the perfect woman: (This is more in detail)

□ Sense of humor – that goes both ways. She has to make me laugh (without being a full pledged clown), and she has to laugh at my absurd & sarcastic humor

□ Intelligence – If you know me, then you know I’m smart. Period. Dimwits get me frustrated. Now that doesn’t mean she has to be a rocket scientist, but she should at least be able to hold an intelligent conversation that is not focused on her friends, her hairstylist or Kim Kardashian. Intelligent people have lives. That’s why we are called the Intelligent Life!

□ Stable – I’m not into drama queens. It’s that simple.

□ Mature – If I wanted a child I’ll make or adopt one.

□ Positive – They say opposite attracts. Not in my case. The glass is half full, and negativity will drive me off the wall.

□ Good listener – I’m a great listen, I will memorize what you tell me and say it back to you but when I decide to talk, I need full attention

□ Assertive – Having gay friends doesn't classify you as assertive. Find other ways to express your feelings, thoughts, and desires!

□ Loving – Well DUH!

□ Ambitious – I can’t stand a woman who has no (realistic) dreams and who is always content with what she has.

□ Pleasant to look at – I don’t date supermodels, and I don’t want someone who is even globally considered to be good looking. However, my eyes shouldn’t get hurt just by looking at her! I like women who take care of themselves, hair done, nails done, looking like they high maintainence. I like high maintainence.

□ Religious – well yes of course but the moderate type. Though these days with all
“freedom” around I’m considered to be the fanatic type!

I think I have nothing to add……well if I do, I will write another story of my life!

If you kept reading and you have reached this far, please give yourself, on my behalf, a pat on the HEAD!!

All the things you see

"Life is half spent before we know what it is." -George Herbet

I hate to see your eyes, empty
Your face, soul less
And your tears, full of cries

I hate to hear your sorrow
Your heart, shattering
When you walk by my side

I hate to sense your weakness
Your soul, weeping
When you should be standing tall

I hate to say be strong
When strength doesn’t withhold
I hate to say I’m sorry
When it wasn’t even my fault

I hate to let you down
When I always brought you up
I hate to make it seem
That I am now, giving up

I look you straight in the eye
As you look right back at me
My reflection, I don’t hate you
I just hate all the things you see

The red white and blue

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they
kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets."- Voltaire

You hear the lord calling
And you feel you heart turn cold
Your ears explode with sirens
That remind you, you aint home

You drape your body with cammies
And hold your rifle close
Praying to Virgin Mary
To protect your youngen soul

The drive to the battlefield
You see your life rush by
Will you see tomorrow?
Or will this be goodbye

Your body is quivering
Your mind asking: is it too soon?
Months of training put into action
Protecting the red white and blue

The rest of the day you’re numb
Feelings? What are those?
You see it with your eyes
Life just comes and goes

You see a lot of red
Splatter against the walls
Gush out of bodies
Limp as lifeless souls

You see a lot of blues
Not in the skies or the 7 seas
But in the faces of those
Who lost all their beliefs

You see a lot of white
Wrapped around the limbs
Of those holding on to dear life
Praying Jesus, forgive my sins

You will see the stars
And also the stripes
When your bloodshot eyes
Can’t sleep at night

You will not feel the glory
Nor feel the pride
When you come home
And your brothers
Not by your side

We owe all this
To the red white and blue
The land of brave
And home of the fools.

Dear Life

"A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness." - Robert Frost

I sit with the pen in hand
The ink is kissing the paper
An apology to heartbreak
Judgment day is sooner not later

With every crispy stroke
My eyes fill with tears
And my words flow easier
Blocking the sounds I hear

A silent buzz in my ears
A sort of numbness in my chest
My heart crying out to my soul
“Put my agony to a rest”

I ponder with the thoughts in my head
Debate, Deliberate & Discuss
I can’t describe this feeling
Is it revulsion, trepidation or disgust?

I look down onto the paper and see
The ink has made love to my tears
United in cause, hand in hand
to bring back life to my years

I keep writing and writing and writing
Words racing to get out of my head
If only I can stand up to you
And let my thoughts be said

But you stole my voice
And ripped out my chords
You slit my heart
Used doubt as your sword

I finish this off by saying I’m not finished
I’ll continue to pour my heart out in vain
I can say so much, yet it means so little
On this page my blood will dry the pain